The Bulls’ season ended Tuesday night with a crushing 75-69 loss to the Washington Wizards, a loss one could blame on a number of factors: poor shooting, Nene, Derrick Rose’s brittle body parts, head butting, really poor shooting, etc. However, fans in attendance will tell you the real reason was a court cleaning by the Zamboni ice resurfacer which had Jimmy Butler and friends slipping all over the court like drunk penguins. The Zamboni crew admitted they were bored between Blackhawks playoff series and thought a nice shiny ice surface on a basketball court would be pretty.

“We thought we were in good shape at the half, tied at 41,” Joakim Noah told reporters after the game. “But when we came out for the second half and it was like Nova Scotia out there, we just didn’t adjust and it cost us the game and the series. We sent the equipment people over to the Hawks dressing room to see if there were any skates lying around but they were all being cobbled and thus offsite.”

The 28 second-half points scored by the Bulls were probably a franchise playoff low but everybody was too bummed to look it up.

The victorious Wizards were better able to adapt to the slick surface as the team always travels with fashionable pumps & high heels, which they donned for the second half. Although looking ridiculous the women’s footwear provided better traction than the basketball shoes worn by Chicago and eventually equated to a six point victory. John Wall said he would probably wear pumps for the remainder of the Washington playoff run.

Patrick O. Elia