The 2014 MLB season is here, and the Chicago Cubs have selected a new song that will be performed before first pitch at Wrigley Field, and after all losses. The national anthem will still kick off the festivities each game, but it will now be followed by a stirring rendition of The Children Are Our Future.

“We feel this song epitomizes the Cubs organization at this point in time,” said GM Jed Hoyer. “Every time we lose, this song will buoy the fans’ spirits and remind them that in the long term, kids like Kris Bryant and Javier Baez really are our future. We just need to teach them well in the minors and then let them lead the way in 2016…maybe even 2015 if we’re lucky.”

According to team officials, the song will be performed by a string of B-list celebrities and reality music competition also-rans.

“Everybody is searching for a hero,” said Cubs president Theo Epstein. “I mean, people need someone to look up to, and we think the near-celebrities that we bring in to belt out uneven, idiosynchratic versions of this song will give us all a sense of pride and remind us how we hope things will be.”

hecklerstaff