The NFL has spent the past week attempting to tally the total amount of yards the Bears allowed this season, but have found that no human mind can handle the numbers. So they have turned to technology in an attempt to understand the situation, using the IBM super computer Watson to crunch the impossible numbers.

What was found this week was graver than expected: the Bears gave up 10,523 yards in the air, nearly 5,400 more yards than the next closest team. It seems that Watson found an extra 3,942 yards that were given up during the bye week and during long time outs.

When Watson attempted to determine the rushing totals, the computer shorted out, then exploded. Its final report stated 01110000|01110010|01100001|01111001. Translated: pray.

Brew Dreesus