In preparation for Monday night’s nationally televised matchup with the Dallas Cowboys, the Chicago Bears have taken the unusual step of covering the middle portion of Soldier Field with a giant, brand-new Slip ‘N Slide.
“This is our chance to show off not just our team, but our world-class facilities,” said team president Ted Phillips. “I defy anyone to name a stadium with more exciting, unpredictable footing than Soldier Field. If that was difficult before, the addition of a huge Slip ‘N Slide makes it impossible.”
The playing surface was custom-designed by the good people at WHAM-O, makers of The Original Backyard Water Slide. It runs from one end zone to the other, between the hash marks, and features a “totally tubular” waterfall.
The players were excited about the change.
“Normally we have to deal with mud and divots the size of bowling balls, but thanks to this awesome new slide, we can have fun and actually enjoy better footing than before … even on our bellies,” said Bears tight end Martellus Bennett. “The Black Unicorn will be doing some magical jukes, jives and dives for America on Monday night. I guarantee you that.”
NFL officials approved the unorthodox playing surface, noting that it will likely result in fewer injuries than the stadium’s normal sod.