It was one of the most brutal weekends ever for the National Football League. Week 7 was wrought with devastation as no less than 10 high-profile players went down with severe injuries. Afterward, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell made an impassioned plea to NFL owners that now was the perfect time to consider a 32-game schedule.
Players have long fought a longer season because they know that football is the most physically demanding combat sport around. Furthermore, the players know that with 16 games of football as well as the preseason there is scarcely any time for them to heal from week to week. A scenario with even more games would break them down morally and physically, all so the NFL owners could pocket millions more dollars at the players’ expense.
Goodell offered up a response to all these criticisms by stating that with an increased schedule, many more players could be added to team rosters and participate in the NFL experience.
“Look,” said Goodell. “In Philadelphia, you had Nick Foles starting at quarterback after Michael Vick was injured. After Foles went down, the team was able to start Matt Barkley. All three of those players will be able to look back someday and tell their grandchildren that they played in the NFL, unless of course severe brain trauma prevents them from remembering anything.”
“Pro football is a family, and I just want to add more members to that family. This has nothing to do with doubling my multi-million dollar salary and helping billionaire owners increase the value of their tax write-offs.”
During the Philadelphia Eagles game that Goodell referenced, Barkley could be seen on the sidelines between series begging his coach not to put him back in the game because “It’s scary out there and I don’t want to get spear-tackled by all those terrifying monsters.”
Barkley promptly threw three interceptions and then went into clinical treatment for tackle-aversion therapy.
Meanwhile in Green Bay, wide receiver Jermichael Finley was sent into the ICU after a nasty helmet-to-helmet hit that left him with limited movement in his extremities.
“If only we had a longer season, somebody else could get severely injured so that Jermichael could have some company in the hospital,” said Goodell. “Everybody needs an ICU buddy. Plus, in my scenario, Jermichael could come back in week 27 in time for the key fourth match-up against the San Francisco 49ers.”
Goodell let the NFLPA know that now was the perfect time to expand the schedule and add twice as many regular season games as well as a triple elimination round-robin wild card traveling playoff back-to-back double-header America’s Cup style Best of 17 playoff format.
“For God’s sake, Jay Cutler only attempted eight passes today before he was injured,” said Goodell. “Imagine a scenario where he comes back week 32 and he is able to start the 4PM Thursday night game of a doubleheader in Detroit and miraculously, if he doesn’t get hurt again, he could conceivably get on the team bus and head over from Detroit to Minnesota and start in the 8pm game.”
When asked if NFL players would at least get paid more for an extended schedule, Goodell was quick to point out that these were important details which would have to be analyzed after the first few seasons of a 32-game schedule when all of the kinks had been worked out.