Chicago White Sox fans are most distraught over the pitiful season their team has had in 2013. However, Robert Schlober, a season ticket holder from suburban Steger, has taken his angst to a new level.
“I was reading an article in the latest issue of Men’s Health magazine about temporary comas, and I got the idea to be put into one until the end of the season,” Schlober, 33, a truck driver for a local beverage company, said.
Searching for answers to his sorrow over the team, Schlober contacted a doctor in the Virgin Islands who agreed to render him comatose through September 29, when the last game of the season is played.
“My first idea was to just go on a week-long bender staying s#!@-faced long enough to forget the disaster that was 2013 for the Sox,” Schlober said. “However, that would have been way too expensive considering all I’d need to drink to forget.”
Schlober’s final decision came after checking with his insurance company regarding coverage of the procedure. “I really lucked out when I found out that my HMO will cover 50 percent of the cost. Strange, since a few weeks ago they denied my claim for a nose job.”
Despite the White Sox season being a huge disappointment, Schlober was optimistic about next season. “Hopefully, the team will bounce back. But, if they start 2014 really bad, I’ll just go into another coma. By that time, Obamacare will foot the entire bill for the procedure.”