Anyone who has had to sit through 14 minutes of floor time for Vladimir Radmanovic knows the Bulls are boring basketball. Unfortunately for the team, Mayor Rahm Emanuel has taken notice and has enacted a temporary law evicting the Bulls to the Gate 6 Parking Lot outside the United Center.

Under the new law, the Bulls will not be able to play inside the building until the Blackhawks lose in regulation. A temporary court has been constructed outside Gate 6, which will be used rain or shine. Emanuel used a grandfather clause that was enacted during the 1998-1999 Bulls season, originally designed to prevent anyone from watching the 13-37 season and suffering through comatose.

“This Blackhawks run has given them complete control of the United Center, so they can enjoy better ice conditions,” said Emanuel. “Plus, we can tow anyone who parks on the court after four inches of snow, set up intersection cameras for revenue and ticket for playing Nate Robinson on defensive sets in the 4th.”

Brew Dreesus