Not since the George Halas era have the Bears held onto an offensive coordinator for three straight years. Now that they have two offensive coordinator-killers on the team in Jay Cutler and Lovie Smith, the franchise has decided to pre-sign new coordinators to face the inevitable offseason change.

That’s why the Bears today signed former Bears offensive coordinator Terry Shea and future unemployed Cowboy coach Jason Garrett. Shea, who led the offense to last in the league in 2004 — but still gave himself a B+ for the effort — will lead the campaign next season.

Lovie Smith sees promise in the man who brought professional bum Jonathan Quinn with him to Chicago.

“Terry is our kinda guy,” said Smith, before pausing a full minute to collect his thoughts. “We can be bad and blame it all on him. Saves my job.”

Jason Garrett, whose time will soon be up in Dallas, has been signed as the 2014 coordinator.

“I look forward to working with someone who seems very nice,” said Bears QB Jay Cutler. “My specialty is getting along with no one, so I’ll just be myself, and we’ll have someone new in 2015.”

Brew Dreesus