The NHL labor contract expired Sunday, in the midst of players and owners scrambling to get a deal done. This all happened while Americans couldn’t care less, as there is nine hours of football to watch today. The NHL postponed a press conference for later this week, but since football is now on six and half days a week, no one will listen.

That’s why the NHL has decided to announce and start their lockout in February, when Americans are suffering from NFL withdrawal.

The news had different effects in Canada however, where the only alternative is the popular show, “Canada’s got ice fishing,” which still beats the NHL most nights. All this news comes after recent Labatt Blue shortages, which has left Canadians angry and sober.

The owners and players have yet to agree on much, but a few items are on the table for increasing NHL appeal. These include: condensing the season down from thirteen months to eleven, allowing the use of weapons while fighting, making Don Cherry suits mandatory for all players and coaches, and forcing players to pass a breathalyzer test after exiting the ice.

Brew Dreesus