Feverish Republicans eager to support Mitt Romney’s bid for the presidency saw their numbers dwindle a bit earlier this week when several thousand convention-goers refused to enter Tampa’s Tropicana Field for fear the unsightly domed baseball stadium was actually a housing project.
“Oh my sweet heavens,” said Thomas Shandwick, a delegate from Oklahoma while walking up to the dingy dome. “It’s bad enough I had to take a cab here rather than a town car, but if they think for one minute I’m going to step foot in this housing project, they’ve got another thing coming.”
Clutching a Bible and a copy of the Constitution — neither of which he’s ever read — Shandwick stood motionless for several minutes in front of Tropicana Field’s main gates contemplating his next move.
“It’s not that I’m afraid of poor people,” said Shandwick. “My housekeeper barely makes minimum wage so I feel like I can relate to the struggles of the lower class. It’s just that I’m not comfortable interacting with the poor when I’m not in a position to fire them or complain to their supervisor about them.”