A group of concerned war veterans are begging the Cubs not to honor them during today’s Memorial Day game at Wrigley Field despite the customary pomp and circumstance that accompanies Major League Baseball games played on patriotic holidays.

“The last time the Cubs held a pre-game ceremony for us they got shelled 14-2,” said Stan Swenson, president of the local VFW chapter. “And now that they’re even more terrible, it will probably be even worse.”

Added Swenson: “Plus, they’re playing the Padres. Yuck!”

Swenson said that instead of going to the Cubs game to honor the Memorial Day holiday, he’s encouraging fellow vets to do things like get 10 free wings at Hooters.

“We’ve already given enough for our country,” said Swenson. “Going to the Cubs game today would just extend the suffering.”