Take a moment to look at the Chicago Cubs depth chart and even the least knowledgeable baseball watcher will recognize that this team is pretty terrible. Sources say it has become a popular trend around MLB front offices to do this exercise after a loss or when they need a good laugh.
“We’re really not that talented, and we haven’t been for over 100 years,” said manager Dale Sveum. “Some outsiders might say I’m in over my head, but that would mean there was some sort of pressure from the fans to win, and since Cubs fans have no clue about what is going on at a baseball game or what winning looks like, I’d say my job is pretty safe.”
When asked how he and his team plan to make it through such a laughably terrible season, Sveum offered some of his strategies.
“I know Major League Baseball keeps track of official wins and losses, but as a true Chicago Cub I find these standings to be flawed,” said Sveum. “This year we are keeping our own standings which include moral victories as wins. Moral Victories (MV’s) can be anything that makes us feel like a real professional baseball team such as; Not sweeping ESPN’s “Not top 10 plays,” less than two errors per inning, scoring multiple runs in a game, showing up to the game on time, or even being asked for an autograph. With MV’s added to our actual wins we hope to come in at least 3rd place this season, and that would be a success in the eyes of any Cubs fan.”
Cubs fans look forward to bragging about how their moral victory of the week makes the Cubs better than your favorite baseball team.
