After the White Sox ended their disappointing season early last year in October, Hawk Harrelson was mentally distraught and has since sunk into a severe state of what doctors are calling “Sox-chosis” as his team’s prospects continue to look bleak.
“I tell you what, how can a team with Dunn and Rios not win 110 games?” said Harrelson last fall. “I think it’s those dangum-it umps playin’ dirty pool.”
Harrelson attended last weekend’s SoxFest with a full-grown beard and hadn’t appeared to have showered in weeks. After attempting to attack much-despised Sox beat writer Joe Cowley of the Sun-Times, police escorted Harrelson to his home, which was revealed to be outside of gate 3 U.S. Cellular Field.
“Duck snort! Scotty Pods! Catbird seat! MERCY!” screamed Harrelson as he was then placed into a ambulance for medical evaluation.
Lead psychologist at Rush Medical Center Ivan Coen was baffled at Harrelson’s mental state and placed him under 24-hour supervision, ordering him to watch video of the 2005 season.
“We are calling this Sox-chosis, or an insane level of White Sox love, beyond a level of human reasoning,” said Coen. “Another bad season can really push him over the edge, if that’s the case, he gone.”