Despite having been dead for six weeks, former North Korean leader Kim Jong Il made a triumphant return to the golf course on Monday and soundly beat Tiger Woods in a match played on Kim’s private course in North Korea.
Kim, who made a stunning 11 holes-in-one during his first round of golf in 1994, gave no sign that death has affected his game. According to a North Korean spokesman, the newly-dead “Supreme Leader” shot a blazing 51 for the round, 21 under par, and topped Woods by 25 strokes. While not open to media, the spokesman added that the match was witnessed by 347 of Kim’s machine-gun-toting bodyguards.
For his part, Woods was a gracious loser, acknowledging that he’d been “totally outplayed.” Woods said he was happy with his own score of 76 and that he had not been distracted by the lack of conversation with his opponent.
“Nobody on the PGA tour talks to me either,” said Woods. “Except the hookers.”
When asked by reporters if it was true that he’d received $10 million to play golf with a dead dictator, Woods was less gracious and sneered, “Yeah, apparently you missed the news that my divorce cost me north of $100 million?”