Newest Bull Richard Hamilton has been famously wearing a protective mask during games since the 2003-04 season after he broke his nose multiple times during games. Because of the mask, he is allowed to break the Bulls dress code rule of not wearing a headband during games since without one the mask will fog up from excess sweat.

Forward/center/designated driver Brian Scalabrine also was known for wearing a headband prior to joining the Bulls, and he believes he has found a way to be able to wear it again.

“I boke my node,” said a severely black and blue Scalabrine on Wednesday. “Now I get to wear a mact, and, darepor, get do wear a headbad, doo.”

Teammate Omer Asik agreed to hit Scalabrine across the face with a two-by-four in order to break the nose.

“I dink it boke da firt tibe, but Ober hit me like fibe, sick tibes,” said Scalabrine. “Get he wanted to be chure, you doe?”

On the off chance Scalabrine were to enter a game—something that occurred just 18 times last season—Bulls GM Gar Forman has agreed to let “The White Mamba” don his once-beloved headband. “Whatever,” said Forman.

Will there be any getting used to the mask, though?

“Pobably,” said Scalabrine with a chuckle, followed immediately by a painful wince. “Ad sacripicing my looks is subting I’b willig to do. Sowwy, ladies.”

Tim Baffoe