In a recent game against the Bruins, Blackhawks defenseman John Scott skated the length of the rink without getting into a fight. Perhaps not coincidentally, Scott fell, short of the Bruins net, due to a lack of skating proficiency.

“John almost made it to the other end of the ice without falling,” Hawks coach Joel Quenneville said. “If he had picked a fight with [Shawn] Thornton at center ice, he would have regained his balance like he usually does and made it all the way.”

“It’s no secret ‘Murdersaurus’ has to lean on someone on the ice to keep from falling,” said Patrick Kane. “He always calls Sharpie ‘pretty boy’ during practice just so Patrick will skate over to him and get in his face.”

Hawks head athletic trainer Mike Gapski said that although he’s a poor skater, Scott’s hockey fighting skills are proportionately enhanced.

“Remember that movie about the bed wetter who ran home from school every day to grab his sheets off the clothesline before anyone else could see them, and ended up running the four-minute mile?” Gapski said. “As an enforcer in the NHL, John Scott, too, is motivated by embarrassment, like that guy.”

By Rob C. Christiansen