The St. Louis Cardinals got into the playoffs by securing a Wild Card berth on the last day of the season Wednesday night for no other reason than to further agitate fans of the downtrodden Chicago Cubs.

“Me? I’ve already got my ring,” said Cardinals superstar first baseman Albert Pujols. “This one’s just to rile up those morons on the North Side of Chicago.”

Powered by a late-season surge, St. Louis surprised many by making up eight-and-a-half games on the Braves in September. And they did it with former Cub Ryan Theriot who angered his old team this winter by saying he was finally on the “right side” of the Cubs-Cards rivalry.

“It’s a shame we had to knock out the Braves just to get under the skin of Cubs fans,” said Theriot. “It would have been great if we could have made the playoffs by eliminating Chicago on the last game of the season, but, you know, those bastards were out of it by July.”