With the regular season drawing to a close, Derek Jeter once again fielded reporters’ questions about his decline as his 2011 numbers paled in comparison to his 2009 season when he finished in the top-five for MVP voting, led the Yankees to their 27th World Series Championship, and hit .334 in the regular season.
“I’m batting .333 with the new Charlie’s Angels,” Jeter snapped, referring to his recently ended relationship with TV star Minka Kelly. “Those are Hall of Fame numbers right there. A-Rod? No. Pujols? No way. Name me one other person who has gotten to first base with any of the Angels.”
Jeter deflected criticism of his lack of fielding range and home run power by reminding everyone that Charlie’s Angels airs on Thursdays at 8 P.M. Eastern on ABC. “That’s must-see TV. There are three of them. And I hit the hottest one.”
When reporters questioned his bloated contract and lack of production at the plate despite being team captain, Jeter opened the Daily News to the sports section and pointed to the ad below an article praising the ageless Mariano Rivera.
“Entertainment Weekly gives the show 3 and a half stars,” said Jeter. “TV Guide says Minka Kelly absolutely sizzles. .333 batting average. End of discussion.”
When reminded by reporters that teammate Alex Rodriguez is dating Cameron Diaz who starred in two Charlie’s Angels movies, Jeter quickly texted Lucy Liu and stormed out of the locker room.