Patriots wide receiver Chad Ochocinco announced this week that he has officially changed his name to Chad Wickedpissah in honor of his newfound New England fans.
“I’m still trying to find my way in the Patriots organization,” explained Wickedpissah. “I’m trying to fit in with my teammates, but it’s hard. They’re tight, man, and the fans ask a lot of their teams in New England. I knew I needed to do something special. All the other receivers, they’ve got theme names: Deion ‘Branch.’ Lots of trees in New England, always changing colors and stuff. Wes Welker. Doesn’t get any more wasp-y than that. I couldn’t figure out how ‘Ochocinco’ was going to fit in. There are plenty of Spanish-speaking folks around here, but I knew I could do better.”
“I was out for a drink with my boys,” recounted Wickedpissah. “And these dudes come up to me shouting, ‘Hey Chad, that catch was wicked pissah!’ I was like, ‘What the hell are these dudes talking about?’ I was about to get in their face, but then Tom is like, ‘Naw, Chad. ‘Wicked Pissah’ is good. It means ‘good catch.’ They like you.’ And that’s when the lightbulb went off: Chad Wickedpissah!”
While Wickedpissah is happy with his new name, he says he has more work to do to fulfill its promise.
“I want people shouting ‘Wicked Pissah!’ at every game!” Wickedpissah explained. “I want to make the big plays, the big catches, the highlight touchdowns. I’m excited to be here, man. I don’t want to let anyone down. I want to live up to expectations. I want a Super Bowl ring. That would be a wicked pissah, kid.”