Dearest Bears fans,
I would like to officially extend my middle finger in your general direction, respectfully of course. Over the years I have been criticized for my inability to draft NFL offensive talent, particularly at the quarterback position. The funny thing is that of the 16 games played this weekend, 12.5 percent of the games featured a quarterback drafted by ME. You heard right, Kyle Orton and Rex Grossman were Week 1 starters, and not because some horrible team plane crash left them as the only options. Nope, they earned their spots on their field as predicted by ME on draft days like ten years ago or something.
Didn’t see it coming, did you? Well, guess who did? That is right, your good ol’ Uncle Jerry, division champion architect and sniffer-outer of starting QB talent. Hell, if Jay Cutler had faked another injury this preseason, we would have started rocket-armed boy wonder Nathan Enderle. That would have meant a starting quarterback in 18.75 percent of the games, or the equivalent of your blood-alcohol-level while calling blowhard radio shows to unrightfully rip into the guru that is ME.
So the next time you think about calling me a “pud” for drafting nothing but bust quarterbacks, take a hard look at Sexy Rexy’s ascension to stardom or Orton’s efficient handling of a robust Denver offense. Hell, Orton is so damn good he pushed America’s favorite son Tim Tebow to the third string! What do you think about that?
Thank you for your time. Just so you know, I typed this op-ed with one hand. My other hand kept the middle finger raised at you the whole time.
All the best,
P.S. I heard a rumor the Colts are considering signing Craig Krenzel. I’m on fire!