Citing the countless stories and columns they’ve written touting former Bear Olin Kreutz’s leadership qualities, a coalition of Chicago sports reporters today claimed the Saints center is in fact the greatest leader since America’s 16th President.

“If you look at the raw numbers, it just has to be true,” said Brad Biggs, referring to the 1,392 Tribune and Sun-Times articles that have mentioned Kreutz as a leader over the past two months. “When Olin left the Bears, it created 14 times the void that occurred when Steve Jobs left Apple, and nearly six times the void FDR’s passing created in the national consciousness.”

The Tribune’s Dan Pompei agreed.

“The team just won’t be able to win without him … aside from last week’s completely dominant victory over a top tier team, of course,” said Pompei. “The guy meant so much to Chicago, according to our columns. If you read those, the dude makes Charlemagne look like Cade McNown.”

Sean Jensen, Bears beat writer for the Sun-Times, was more poetic in his praise of Kreutz.

“Without Olin, the Bears are a boat without a rudder,” he said. “A journey without a destination. Is life worth living sans an aging center who kept his teammates in check while letting nose tackles run over him? This scribe doesn’t think so. Verily, we are now like feathers adrift in the wind, subject to nature’s cruel fancy.”

Heckler George