The White Sox organization’s aggressive “Paul Star” promotional campaign resulted in record levels of fan participation this week, but an unfortunate error in the vote tallying led to the wrong Paul being named to the American League roster.
“We can confirm that Paul McCartney has won the fan voting for the final spot on the team,” said an MLB representative, who asked not to be identified until details were finalized. “A megastar of Sir Paul’s caliber is really going to add some interest to the game. He can play first base, DH, and sing the National Anthem to boot.”
American League manager Ron Washington said he initially plans on batting McCartney fourth.
“I’m thinking something like Cano, Granderson, Gonzalez, and then Sir Paul,” Washington said of his lineup. “That would be a real Fab Four to start the game. Wow.”
Konerko was diplomatic, if not a little disappointed, when he heard the outcome. Early voting showed him in the lead by a wide margin, but a cross-promotion with ticketing websites for McCartney’s upcoming Chicago concerts fouled up the final tally.
“Yesterday,” Konerko said, “all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though I’m here to stay. But that game is a hard day’s night, so I may just take a day tripper to Arizona and relax.”
Sox manager Ozzie Guillen was irked by the result and kept his comments brief.
“Konerko should be there, but they tell me the computer mess up, so, ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on [expletive deleted] whatever.”
By Dave Gallagher