One of the more notable features of this young Cubs season are the stands at Wrigley Field, which have been relatively barren. It looks as if, amid cold weather and a tough economy, the team may be paying the price for low expectations.

When the attendance is read aloud to the crowds, however, it becomes apparent that those in charge are not yet ready to reveal the extent of the problem. One Wrigley Field staffer finally admitted that instead of counting fans in attendance, workers have simply been taking inventory of every living thing inside the park.

The inventory includes vendors, security guards, ticket takers, anyone standing outside the park for more than four minutes, rats and those scavenging, late-inning seagulls.

“If you think about it, seagulls are pretty self-aware,” said Wrigley staffer Lester Fitz. “I mean, they could leave if they wanted to. We count them because they chose to be here.”

Cubs radio announcer Pat Hughes was understandably upset over the fudged numbers.

“We guessed 13,000 for our daily attendance game and they came back with 26,500!” fumed Hughes. “If they would just fess-up with the actual numbers I could give away some tickets. That’s two more actual fans right there. Or at least two tourists.”

By Dan Bradley

Bandwagon Dan