After a successful championship run, the Blackhawks have now realized their mistake in deciding to celebrate by literally putting more weight on the backs of the players. The giant Stanley Cup replicas adorning this season’s jerseys have been nothing but trouble.
“I keep taking flak for making crazy passes out of our defensive zone,” said Nick Boynton. “But every time I lift my stick off the ice, I fall over backwards! They really shouldn’t have cast these from steel.”
The replica cups are much heavier than the actual Stanley Cup, which is a silver and nickel alloy.
Yet another issue is the mental state of all the Hawks’ new players.
“Considering how many of us weren’t on the team last year, it seems a little silly to me,” said Viktor Stalberg. “My name isn’t even on the thing. Touching it is probably bad luck.”
The only one using the new accessory to his advantage is goaltender Corey Crawford, who has been spotted drinking from the cup with a crazy straw and is employing a new move known as the “tornado spin” to knock opposing players out of the crease.
“I’ll take whatever advantage I can to make people stop talking about Antti Niemi,” said Crawford.
By Dan Bradley. Photoshop by Pat Lamorte.