At long last, fan favorite Kerry Wood is coming home to Chicago. In fact, he will never leave thanks to GM Jim Hendry who Thursday inked the oft-injured Wood to a lifetime contract with the Cubs worth upwards of $200 million. The unique nature of the deal calls for Wood to make $3 million in 2011, $4 million in 2012 and escalates every year until his death, which by natural causes could be sometime around 2060. Hendry was ecstatic that Wood is now a “Cub for Life.”

“We should have never let Woody go in the first place,” said Hendry. “We were extremely lucky that he didn’t throw out his shoulder, blow out an elbow, or tear a knee ligament while getting out of a hot tub, during his three years away from the Cubs family. It’s truly a miracle.”

While excited to come back to the organization where his career started, Wood was somewhat overwhelmed by Hendry’s generosity.

“My agent and I were looking for a simple two-year deal, when Jim upped the stakes slightly with what he called the ‘Cubby Loyalty Clause,’” said Wood. “Who was I to say to no to that? I can’t promise that I will still be pitching in 2035, or in June of next year for that matter, but having the opportunity to return to a fifth-place ballclub is the cherry on the top of my somewhat tragically unfulfilling career.”

By Jeremy Barewin

Jeremy Barewin