The White Sox jazzed up their Sunday home uniforms yesterday. Instead of alternate colors or throwback jerseys, players wore full Zubaz gear in their 13-0 loss to Florida. The new uniforms feature elastic bands, unsupportive crotches and outrageous stripes no woman has ever found attractive.

“I like the comfortable, airy pants,” said Sox first baseman Paul Konerko who went 1-for-3 with a walk in the loss. “It’s like I’m playing in very unsexy pajamas.”

Known to be on the cutting edge of poor fashion decisions and classlessness, Sox fans have instantly taken to their team’s new digs.

“Dude, the new jerseys are so rad,” screamed Sox fan William Fiskley. “These uniforms make me want to do so many cool things, like drive a T-top Camaro or get a tattoo of a cobra.”

The Bears reportedly¬†considered following the Sox’s Zubaz trend, but nixed the idea when they realized they are a legitimate professional organization with players and fans who mostly¬†have at least some dignity.

From the May 2010 issue by Marvin Venis Benjamin

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