Former Sox pitcher Jim Parque admitted using HGH in a 3,000-word opus published by the Sun-Times Thursday. Sox starter Mark Buehrle then went on to throw a perfect game Thursday afternoon, guaranteeing Parque’s confession will forever be forgotten.

“The 10 to 15 fans who remember Jim Parque could have potentially cared about the fact he used performance-enhancing drugs for a brief time on Thursday,” said Jim Blancey, a retired public relations consultant. “However with the news out of U.S. Cellular Thursday afternoon, nobody will ever think about Jim Parque again. Given the circumstances, that’s good news for Jim.”

“The Sun-Times article was longer than Moby Dick, so it’s not like your average Sox fan read it anyway,” added Blancey.

By Tim Butterly