With five out of eight games on their current road trip complete, most of the Blackhawks decided to skip the game in Vancouver Saturday night, sighting everything from Tim Horton’s Donuts based food poisoning to Aurora Borealis sleep deprivation.

The Canucks quickly capitalized on the depleted opposing roster by scoring six goals in the first period and a half of play. Hawks goaltender Cristobal Huet managed six saves before skating off the ice midway through the first period.

“I forgot ‘Saturday Night’ Live was on,” said Huet. “This jet lag is a killer. My head just isn’t on straight.”

Replacement Nikolai Khabibulin fared little better, allowing three more goals in short order and a fourth as time ran down in the third period, handing the Hawks a 7-3 defeat. The Hawks’ three goals in the second half of the game came after many of the Canucks also checked out of the game.

“This was one of those games that was embarrassing even to be on the winning team,” said Vancouver center Mats Sundin. “We just take the points and get out of the building.”

Number of the game: Zero
None of the Blackhawks distinguished themselves while the game was in contention.

Tip for the Bandwagon Fan
Much like a wayward pitcher in baseball, a goaltender can be pulled in a hockey game if he is performing particularly badly. Unlike baseball, the game doesn’t stop for 10 minutes to allow the replacement to warm up while obnoxious music blares over the PA system.

heckler editorial staff