The 2009 Cubs Convention got off to a rough start for Cubs play-by-play television broadcaster Len Kasper. He was spotted Friday morning at Kitty O’Sheas, drunker than a loon after finishing off his second bottle of Wild Turkey.

When asked the reason for his stunning display of alcohol abuse, Kasper cited the stresses of his job responsibilities during the convention weekend.

“It’s a tough week this thing is,” slurred Kasper. “People mean to Len. Len don’t like it.”

When asked about Kasper’s behavior at the convention, his broadcast partner Bob Brenly wasn’t surprised.

“He does this every year,” said Brenly. “The minute Lou Piniella calls him ‘microphone boy’ he’s neck deep in booze.”

Kasper got his first dose of abuse from new Cubs outfielder Milton Bradley.

“He’s a weird guy, man,” said Bradley. “I’ve never seen anybody cry so hard after I gave them a wedgie.”

heckler editorial staff