Mark Prior got a 12th opinion on his ailing right shoulder Tuesday, this time by well-known orthopedic specialist Dr. James Andrews of Birmingham, Ala. Prior’s tour of doctors–which began two weeks ago in the Los Angeles medical office of Dr.. Lewis Yocum–took him through 14 states and covered nearly 3,200 miles in his daddy’s Escalade limousine.

“Every doctor that Mark visited has told him the same thing,” said Cubs trainer Mark O’Neal. “As we suspected, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with his arm, he’s simply suffering from a case of ‘Sissyitis.'”

Despite the multiple diagnoses, a sobbing Prior convinced Dr. Andrews to perform exploratory surgery on his shoulder.

“When we went in there with the arthroscope we found nothing structurally wrong with his shoulder,” said Andrews. “The MRI did show, however, that Mark has no heart. I have given him a referral to visit the great and powerful Wizard of Oz for a consultation.”

heckler editorial staff