Sox manager Ozzie Guillen spent most of Wednesday clarifying statements he made the previous night about Sammy Sosa, stating he didn’t want to hit the slugger, but instead force Sosa to “have to hit” when at bat. These statements were ignored when Mark Buehrle walked Sosa in the fifth inning, infuriating the manager despite Buehrle’s no-hitter, the first for the Sox in 15 years.

“I don’t [expletive deleted] care about how many [expletive deleted] hits he gave up,” said Guillen. “I said we have to make Sammy hit, and if my pitchers won’t [expletive deleted] listen to me, then they can go to hell.”

Buehrle, although disappointed, understood the manager’s anger.

“This is Ozzie’s club and we have to play by his rules.” said Buehrle. “None of the rules make any sense at all, but he’s basically taken the whole organization hostage, so we have to listen to him.”

Guillen was later seen chasing Buehrle around the clubhouse with a Bowie knife. GM Kenny Williams dismissed the incident.

“That’s Ozzie being Ozzie,” Williams said with a nervous chuckle.

heckler editorial staff