A scoreless first few innings to start, a random solo home run in the middle and a bullpen collapse at the end. Tuesday night’s game had just about all the markings of a typical White Sox loss, with one exception: Sammy Sosa.

The former Cubs slugger had a hand in the visiting Texas Rangers’ 8-1 romp over the South Siders Tuesday, hitting a three-run homer in the eighth off of reliever Mike MacDougal after Mark Teixeira was intentionally walked. This added to a three-run round-tripper from Rangers second baseman Ian Kinsler in the previous inning, and sealed the win for Texas.

Sox manager Ozzie Guillen defended the decision to throw strikes at the once-dangerous Sosa.

“It seemed like a no-brainer at the time,” said Guillen. “I mean, c’mon–Sammy’s older than Stonehenge, and he’s off the juice too. I think. I guess I momentarily forgot that our bullpen blows.”

On the North Side, Cubs fans were reportedly torn between their desire to see Sosa embarrass himself and their perennial hope for failure on the South Side.

“That’s tough,” Cubs fan Dan Darden said while simultaneously watching the game and scoping some attractive women at Sluggers on Clark. “Normally, I’d be happy to see the Sox lose so badly, but not like this. Not like this.”

Number of the night: 591
Career homers for Sosa, currently ranked fifth all-time in that category.

Number of the night, Part II: 69
Home runs he needs to catch up to fourth-place Willie Mays.

heckler editorial staff