As the calendar approaches April, many baseball players are eager to start the regular season. But single players on the Cubs took their sights off opening day after hearing a female umpire will be on the field when the team faces the Arizona Diamondbacks Thursday.

“I’ve seen pictures and she’s kind of cute,” infielder Ronny Cedeno said of the umpire, Ria Cortesio. “I wouldn’t mind if she told me to hit the showers.”

The excitement is so prevalent among unattached members of the Cubs that closer Ryan Dempster is starting a clubhouse pool to see which player will successfully take Cortesio out on a date.

“I’m confident I will win the pool because I know it will be me taking Ria out,” Angel Pagan said. “I already have the perfect pickup line: I don’t have to play baseball in Tennessee because you’re the only 10 I see.”

heckler editorial staff