A 2-1 loss to the Kings Friday night and a 3-2 loss to the Flames yesterday put the Blackhawks in second-last place.

“With the same lack of hard work and perseverance we’ve shown the last few months, we may be able to take over dead last from Philadelphia,” said a downtrodden head coach Denis Savard. “It’s not going to be easy because they suck real bad too. But we’re sure as hell not going to try to do better than we have been.”

The Hawks are ensuring a stellar draft pick however. They will have a shot at the #1 pick which will most likely be Angelo Esposito, a 17-year-old phenom currently playing in the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League.

“Please God no,” Esposito said when asked about possibly playing for the Hawks. “That’s where hockey players go to die. I plan on going there when I’m 38 with little to nothing left in the tank. You know, like everyone else does.”

Only eight games remain on the schedule for the Blackhawks. Everyone looks forward to another horrible season being behind them.

heckler editorial staff