Arizona winters may be a relaxing experience for many people seeking refuge from the cold, but nothing can be further from the truth when it comes to oft-injured Kerry Wood. In fact, the Cubs’ paper-mache pitcher has been shut down once again with a right triceps strain after experiencing windburn from a slight breeze in Mesa.

“I knew this was going to happen,” Wood said of another injury. “But I didn’t think it would come so soon and so easily. There were 5 MPH gusts out there that had the potential to end my career.”

Even though Wood’s successes this spring were limited, many delusional Cubs fans–and general manager Jim Hendry– held out hope the pitcher will be the catalyst for a World Series-contending team.

“I’ve always said that if both Kerry and Mark [Prior] remained healthy and at top-performance, they would lead the Cubs to a World Series victory,” Hendry said. “They still look great on paper, so I will continue to depend on their arms despite whatever reality tells us all.”

heckler editorial staff