Nothing seems to be working for Mark Prior ever since posting an 18-6 record in 2003. Not only has the porcelain-based pitcher suffered through a multitude of injuries over the course of the past few seasons, but has had serious control issues the few times he’s been healthy enough to take the hill. Monday was no exception, as Prior gave up four hits and three earned runs in only 1 1/3 innings in his spring training debut against the Seattle Mariners.

“I don’t have any answers for you,” Prior said to reporters. “I’ll admit that I haven’t fulfilled expectations, but I think I can return to form if I go back on the juice. It worked in 2003, and I expect it will work this time around, too.”

Prior was rocked in the short time he was on the mound today, posting a whopping 20.25 ERA before he was pulled for new Cubs starter Ted Lilly in the second inning. A much thinner Prior was visibly upset leaving the game and with good reason.

“This is the last year of my contract,” Prior said. “I have no choice but to take supplements again in order to stay a Cub after this year. I don’t know how longer I can con Jim Hendry with Entenmann’s cheesecakes into keeping me around.”

heckler editorial staff