With nothing left to play for–not even pride–the Chicago Blackhawks were embarrassed by the Detroit Red Wings again Friday night, this time by the miserable score of 6-2. They were able to snag a rare shootout win on Sunday, however, as they beat the Ottawa Senators 4-3.

Again the team is buried in the standings in March and the fans have no reason to watch. It’s almost as bad as being a Cubs fan.

“I thank the Gods for the Cubs,” said general manager Dale Talon, a well-known Polytheistic worshiper. “I just hope they don’t win a World Series anytime soon. Because if they do, we’ll officially be the most pathetic franchise in sports.”

Some argue that the Hawks already are since in hockey it is mathematically harder not to make the playoffs than it is to qualify for postseason play. But Talon insists the Cubs are worse.

“They haven’t won a championship in 100 years. A hundred! My God! Err … I mean. Gods.”

heckler editorial staff