Did you strike out in the Virtual Waiting Room today? Was your wristband off by 150,000? Fear not. There are plenty of ways to take in Cubs games this year. Here are a few suggestions.

10) Be a B-list celebrity and sing the 7th inning stretch

9) Be an A-list celebrity with a Chicago-based movie coming out and sing the 7th inning stretch with your ultra-hot girlfriend who also happens to be starring in the movie.

8) Be a starting pitcher with an ERA over 6.00

7) Have your company shell out a few hundred grand to sponsor the award-winning 10th Inning Show

6) Have your company shell out a few thousand dollars to host a rooftop party

5) If you’re a woman, show some cleavage outside the park. It will at least get you on TV during a Cubs game.

4) Work a skybox suite into your $136 million contract

3) Go to the Wrigley Field ticket office on game day, turn right, walk 500 feet and give one of the hundreds of scalpers $75 for an upper deck seat that’s probably not counterfeit

2) Secure a job selling hot dogs at the stadium

1) Check out the Iowa Cubs. They’re probably better anyway and you’ll get to see their pitchers before they make it into the Cubs’ rotation in June.

heckler editorial staff