As the clock wound down on the Bears Super Bowl loss to the Indianapolis Colts Sunday night, Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley was in a world of hurt. His two-week rivalry with Indianapolis Mayor Bart Peterson got out of hand, costing Daley the very city he’s presided over since 1989.

“After those big wins against Seattle and New Orleans, I’d gotten carried away,” said a sullen Daley, whose office was stacked full of Starbucks coffee, Space needle figurines, shrimp gumbo and Mardi Gras beads won in previous playoff bets. “I thought there was no way we’d lose, so I decided to bet cities.”


Last week a confident Daley jokingly told Peterson they should bet keys to their cities. When Peterson called Daley’s bluff, the bravado escalated. Neither mayor backed down. A deal was made and now Chicago is property of Indianapolis.


“Indianapolis has long been the ugly stepchild of the Midwest,” said Peterson. “Now that Chicago is ours, we finally a city we can be proud of.”


Peterson said Chicago will immediately get “a little Indy added to it” by building Perkins and Steak N Shake restaurants to every neighborhood. The United Center will be renamed “Reggie Miller Arena” and the Chicago will build a huge oval racetrack that will host a yearly race, drawing hundreds of thousands of spectators for some reason.

heckler editorial staff