Bulls coach Scott Skiles is a sorcerer. That’s the only way to explain the disappearing-reappearing act he pulled the last two games with big men Ben Wallace and P.J. Brown.

One night after they made no impact whatsoever, the duo came up big (pun intended) Tuesday night in a 94-86 win over the Hawks at the United Center.

But while the big men came to play, guard Ben Gordon could not explain why he stunk it up, racking up more turnovers than points and sitting out the entire fourth quarter.

“It was almost as if I was being hexed,” Gordon said. “I sure hope I didn’t upset coach. That guy is all kinds of evil to people who make him mad. Just look at [Chris] Duhon. He hasn’t played for two games now and I think he’s starting to grow fins where his arms used to be.”

Skiles could not be reached for comment, but was seen retreating to his evil lair atop the United Center with Saruman. (Editor’s note: Any reader who understands that reference needs to face the fact he or she is a nerd..)

Number of the night: 12
Days until you wake up after passing out in an alley, unsure who won the Super Bowl and why you’re wearing a dress.

heckler editorial staff