Thanks to Cedric Benson’s injured shoulder, lousy attitude and Sammy Sosa-esque getaway from Soldier Field during last week’s preseason game, Thomas Jones is once again the starting running back for the Chicago Bears.

“I tried my damndest to hand Cedric the job,” said head coach Lovie Smith after Wednesday’s practice. “He completely ruined it for himself. In addition, none of his teammates like him.”

As a result, Smith was forced to tab Jones as the starter for this Friday’s game against the Arizona Cardinals.

Jones hesitated when asked about joining a starting unit that has failed to score any points while mustering just 145 total yards and nine first downs in two preseason games.

“It’s good to be back where I belong, but after watching the first string the last couple weeks, I’m wishing Benson was starting and I was playing with the twos,” he said. “Grossman and the starters look like high schoolers. It’s kind of embarrassing to take the field with those guys.”

Luckily for Jones, that very quote will be used by Smith as reason to demote him back to second string once Benson is totally healthy.

heckler editorial staff