Pat Burrell and the Phillies defeated the Cubs 6-3 Tuesday, and Cubs starter Ryan O’Malley left after 4 2/3 innings with a strained elbow.

Chicago’s front office has contacted the Guinness Book of World Records and will be watched heavily for the rest of the season by officials as they make a bid at the world record for most players on the disabled list in one season. The North Siders have placed players on the list an unprecedented 17 times this year, and Guinness reps have confirmed that they will also look into writing newly recalled player Buck Coats in their tome for World’s Funniest Name Not Belonging to a Porn Star.

Ryan Theriot made the World’s Worst Decision in the seventh inning when he tried to steal third base after his two-out double with home-run threat Aramis Ramirez at the plate. Theriot was easily thrown out, and for once¬†¬† Dusty Baker actually said that one of his players made a bad choice.

For once this season, Cubs management refused to use injuries as an excuse.

“It can only help the team in the long run,” said General Manager Jim Hendry of his team’s bulging list of injured players. “I can call up all of our minor league pitchers and showcase them for other teams. That way, it will be easier for me to trade them away for mediocre players we don’t really need.”

Number of the day: 13
Percent of Cubs fans who can actually name three players on the current Cubs roster.

heckler editorial staff