Amidst yet another losing season following the retirement of Michael Jordan, members of the Chicago Bulls have been searching hard for that silver lining.

They appear to have found it.

“We’re all best buds,” said guard Ben Gordon between games of ping-pong with Othella Harrington. “Every rose has its thorn, and our thorn is that we lose just about every game. But, no one can say that our chemistry isn’t the best in the league.”

The current Bulls squad believes in a team philosophy, looking to spread the ball around evenly on offense and emphasizing positive communication on the defensive end.

This philosophy was evident during Monday’s overtime loss to the Utah Jazz.

“Matt Harpring went to set a back-screen on Kirk Hinrich, who was guarding Andrei Kirilenko,” explained center Tyson Chandler. “I called out to Kirk that a pick was coming, and he heard me loud and clear. He still got picked pretty hard, but he heard me.”

Harpring’s successful pick on Hinrich freed Kirilenko for an open three-pointer, one of the many disgraces of the 109-107 Jazz victory over the team-focused Bulls.

Chicago head coach Scott Skiles immediately called a timeout after the sequence, congratulating his players on the solid defensive communication. Hinrich and Chandler exchanged hugs and high fives.

“Those great Bulls teams of the 1990s were a farce,” said Hinrich. “I read the other day that Jordan and Dennis Rodman hardly ever spoke to each other. What kind of a team is that? Yeah, they won 72 games, but should we really be expected to do that at the expense of our friendships?”

Tyson Chandler echoed the sentiments of his carpool buddy.

“It’s all about putting the team first,” said Chandler. “If moral victories were a statistic, we’d actually be leading the league in something.”

heckler editorial staff