A secret poll conducted by the NBA shows that 98 percent of 2,000 fans surveyed don’t know any of the players entered into the league’s upcoming draft.

“This is alarming,” Deputy Commissioner Adam Silver told NBA.com. “Certainly, we realize there are no LeBron Jameses, Carmelo Anthony’s, or even a Boobie Gibson in the 2013 draft, but cryminee, it ain’t that bad.”

When asked what they do not like about the draft, 82 percent of respondents said there are “Not enough white guys” with exactly 82 percent saying there are “Too many white guys.” Seventy-three percent indicated they “can’t pronounce the names of those drafted from Turkey, Uzbekistan or Brigham Young University.”

“I consider myself a very knowledgeable NBA fan,” Dave Richards of Boston said. “I think the only college guy I’ve heard of is the one from Kentucky, Noodles Nerdles, or something like that.”

Renaldo Simmons of Van Nuys, CA, a Clippers’ season ticket holder mused, ”Does the draft make a difference for my team? If there’s a 7’2” center with a pot belly and real bad acne, you know he’ll be a Clipper.”

NBA Commissioner David Stern weighed in on the controversy, as well.

“You guys worry too much,” said Stern. “Besides, I’m retiring next year, so why should I give a [expletive deleted].”