Throughout the winter meetings in Nashville this week, Cubs GM Jed Hoyer has vehemently been searching for a warm body to plug the gaping hole at third base. Unfortunately, the market is drying up quickly.

With this in mind, Hoyer has chosen to forgo free agent acquisitions or possibilities via trade. He has decided to utilize the unique holiday season to satisfy the club’s needs.

“Yeah … I just asked Santa for a third baseman,” an elated Hoyer told reporters. “He was visiting the hotel, so I shoved a bunch of kids out of my way and sat right down on his lap, began to sob, and asked him for someone to man the hot corner. The big guy said he would see what he could do.”

When asked if he thought it was prudent to issue such a lofty request to St. Nicholas, Hoyer replied, “Of course. Let’s face it. What he can produce is most likely better than anything left on the market.”

Hoyer was asked if he requested anything else.

“Yes, I did,” Hoyer replied. “I asked for a World Series. But Santa told me he’s no miracle worker.”

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