NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell might think the NFL’s replacement refs are doing fine, but he seems to be alone in that assertion. In a surprise ruling handed down by a court in New York, America’s top football man will no longer be allowed to use any surname that incorporates a positive reference.

“Badell, Terriblell, even Brutalell,” said judge Robin Bernes. “You can use any of those names. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit here and let a moron like you walk around with a name that implies anything other than total incompetence and utter disregard for fellow humans.”

Added the judge: “If Bettman wasn’t taken, I’d make you use that.”

Heckler George