The Worldwide Leader in Sports is undergoing another face lift.  As ESPN continues to market themselves to a younger, hipper demographic they have decided to re-brand their flagship station as “ESPN jr.” and change its motto to “Cooler than the other side of the blanky.”

This change will allow ESPN to reach more viewers and get packaged with children’s networks such as Noggin, the Hub and Nick Jr on most cable providers. Stuart Scott is expected to be the new head of programming and have more features on the ESPN anchors, extended comedy sketches set in the ESPN offices starring anchors and athletes, an animated series based on the movie Space Jam and the “BronBron Show!”, a LeBron James highlight show targeted at children and bi-curious adult men.

ESPN also announced that live sports will be moved to a new network called “Classic ESPN” and be packaged with CSPAN, BookTV and the NASA networks. ESPN Classic will continue to show past games and fringe sports with an emphasis on smarmy twin comedians.

Mark Pants