7/23 – NCAA adds a +1 to its four-team football playoff, that being Notre Dame, no matter how bad their record is
7/22 – Juwan Howard celebrates his day with the Larry O’Brien Trophy by trading the trophy for some Geritol, Ben Gay and denture cream, then claims to Heat he’s old, doesn’t recall doing so
7/17 – During telecast of Cubs vs. Marlins, a very drunk Bob Brenly changes his on-air advice to newlywed men from “Yes dear, you’re right, I’m sorry” to “Shut the [expletive deleted] up ‘fo I smack your head on the oven.” Kasper cries.
7/26 – Alfonso Soriano sits in bleachers, boos fans on Wrigley Field tour.
7/23 – NFL Network begins televising teams washing their jerseys; ratings higher than Stanley Cup Finals on NBC
7/10 – Bud Selig spends entire All-Star Game staring at cute ball girl. “It’s not creepy, she’s 21,” commish tells TMZ
7/13 – Adam Dunn shortens his swing a bit when he finally realizes it’s not good to break Nolan Ryan’s single-season strikeout record (383) as a hitter

Patrick O. Elia