Negotiations between the NBA Players Association and league owners have derailed over the controversial suggestion by owners that officials actually enforce a greater-than-two-step traveling rule.
The enforcement was suggested as a means to increase revenue at pro venues under the thought that people who actually understand the rules of basketball would be more enticed to attend games where players adhere to standard norms of conduct instead of accosting fans in the stands.
However, players immediately scoffed at the suggestion.
“Are you kidding me?” chuckled Kobe Bryant. “What are they going to try next? Making me pass to teammates? I mean, if you start calling travels like that around here, nothing will get done.”
It’s perhaps the league’s worst kept secret that most NBA prodigies replace the skill of dribbling with that of trash talking at an early age in order to keep up with other rising stars. At approximately age eight, most gifted athletes learn to deflect talk of what they deem “minor” rules violations by instead making egregious comments about another player’s mother, sister, or girlfriend.
By way of example, when asked of his thoughts on the proposed enforcement, Ron Artest simply stated, “That ain’t what your momma said to me last night.”
In turn, the players have countered with a “No $9.00 Beer” clause in the new revenue agreement, arguing that if patrons can get drunk at NBA venues more cheaply, they may actually enjoy the games and be persuaded to buy horrid merchandise, such as Minnesota Timberwolves jerseys.
“Let’s face it, the NBA is just like a mistress to us,” chimed Bryant. “The players all get a little further when somebody’s intoxicated.”