The tragedy that’s been plaguing the North Side of Chicago this summer has gotten so bad that President Obama declared Wrigley Field a federal disaster area, warning residents to evacuate and stay as far away as possible for the team’s last homestand which starts next week.

“Chicagoans have suffered long enough, and I think it’s time that the federal government finally steps in to do something about it,” said Obama, who insists that his support of the White Sox has nothing to do with his decision. Rather, being President in these tough economic times, Obama is encouraging Americans to be more responsible with how they spend their money.

“For over a hundred years, not only Chicagoans, but Americans from all over the country, have been duped into spending their hard-earned money in support of this pathetic franchise, a decaying ballpark, the salaries of clinically insane players such as Carlos Zambrano and Milton Bradley, and players with bloated contracts such as Alfonso Soriano and Aramis Ramirez. I think due to events of this summer, we’ve had enough.”

Obama sure picked a good time to put his foot down. The Cubs are 19 games under .500, are without a GM, and because of their string of bad contracts, no-trade clauses, and a lack of young prospects, have seemingly no end in sight.

With an upcoming election, Obama’s advisers are worried that this decision will alienate many potential voters. But in this instance, Obama is determined to rise above the politics, and do what’s right no matter what the consequences.

Michael Kloempken